You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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