Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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