just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
