Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
