Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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