Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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