Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
