I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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