Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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