maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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