i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
