It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
