I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
