Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
