Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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