if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
