so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
