Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
