Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
