She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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