operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
