I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
