could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
