We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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