No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
