is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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