So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You are the jesus of drinking
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
