My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
