so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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