put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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