im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
