Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
