i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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