I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
