i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
