it's not cheating when I paid for it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
