I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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