I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
