i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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