I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
