you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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