standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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