An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
