Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
