So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
