I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
