Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
