I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
