so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
