Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
