I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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