is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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